December 04, 2005
The Jihadi Exchange Program

I was thinking the other day about what we've been told about the whole martyrdom thing - that would-be jihadists smoke a bunch of hashish and are told that after they martyr themselves they'll go to heaven and get to have 72 virgins, and I decided that this doesn't really make sense...

In fact, the more I thought about this, one thing became perfectly clear:

Only someone who's never had sex (or who feels incredibly inferior to other men) would WANT to be with 72 virgins.

I mean, c'mon! What these guys REALLY want, and who could blame them, is to be with 72 whores, because since this is about the attainment of awesome, divine sexual gratification, the virgins aren't really going to cut it, IMHO...

So, I have a proposition for the Department of Homeland Security. They should offer a Jihadi Exchange Program where jihadis can turn in their bomb belts and in exchange get a big brick of Afghan hash, or a bunch of ecstacy, and an all expense paid trip to a brothel in Nevada (or better, Amsterdam) for a month, or until they're done, whichever comes first

OR, DHS could just do this as an "intervention" with would-be jihadis who are still on the fence - This is much cooler than running secret prisons, and the viral marketing potential of this concept (when the jihadists are allowed to return home to tell others about their adventures) would have to be WAY more effective than torture...

Think about it: Potential jihadis would get the reward they're motivated by without blowing anything up, and it would have to cost the US a lot less than the war in Iraq!

Anyway...

Posted by mandra at 11:50 PM